Dan Taylor

Ah yes, Vodka. Na zdorovya comrades! While I’ve written about the beauties of beer making you smarter, Let’s delve into the other drink you’ve probably got around the house: Vodka. Personally, I’ll take a bottle of bourbon any day over the clear, odorless, tasteless stuff, but that doesn’t mean that I can\’t appreciate the beauties of Vodka. As a matter of fact, If I’m going out for cocktails, I always make sure that the ladies have at least one round of French Martinis (or…as I call it, the LadyKiller; in so much as, they’re sweet, tasty, and if you’re not careful, they’ll f(*)& you up REAL fast).

But enough with the drink, there are in fact a number of other uses for our favorite flavor from Russia with love:

1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The solvent dissolves adhesive
2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set five minutes and wash clean. The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.
3. Clean jewelry. Soak the jewelry in vodka for five minutes, then rinse, and dry.
4. Clean lipstick from clothing. Rub the stain with vodka, then throw into your regular wash.
5. Remove the glue left behind by a bumper sticker. Rub the glue with a soft, clean cloth soaked with vodka
6. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.
7. Spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with a brush, then blot dry.
8. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores.
9. Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair, and stimulates the growth of healthy hair.
10. Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle and spray bees or wasps to kill them.
11. Pour one-half cup vodka and one-half cup water in a Ziplock freezer bag and freeze for a slushy, refreshable ice pack for aches, pain or black eyes.
12. Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar with freshly packed lavender flowers, fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly and set in the sun for three days. Strain liquid through a coffee filter, then apply the tincture to aches and pains.
13. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest and back as a liniment.
14. To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka.
15. Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting.
16. Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy to remove the urushiol oil from your skin.
17. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth. Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain.
18. Soothe a sore throat. Add a tablespoon of vodka to glass of warm water and gargle. The alcohol helps numb the sore throat.
19. Eliminate swimmer’s ear. If you don’t have rubbing alcohol, fill an eardropper with vodka, and squeeze it into the affected ear, then let it drain out.
20. Forget about a crappy day. After a long and crappy day, fill one tumbler half full with ice. Remove bottle of Vodka from freezer and fill the rest of the glass. A number of mixers can be added to this base, but remember: Candy is dandy, but (Pure) Liquor is quicker.

Not bad eh? Ok, you got me, I slipped #20 in there just because it hadn’t already been mentioned. I actually just did #9 this morning, so lets see if these recently shaved locks can grow back any healthier than the last time.

Enjoy, and oh….order me a double next time, eh?